Episode 2.01 So It Begins

[Reyn]

2.01 - So It Begins

[/u]



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The sisters face off against a mysterious demon faction when a young woman is abducted from the local college campus.

Illustrated Set List
Wardrobe
Book Of Shadows Page[/center]

I welcome any comments regarding this episode. If you have read it, please take a moment to leave a review below. I enjoy hearing your opinions, and I will reply to any questions you may have.

[Temporal Death]

Hey Reyn. Script format and me don't usually agree, but I thought I'd give it a try and I love it. I'm taking this slow, and will review Act-by-Act as the episodes feel too long.

So here we go:

SPOILER: Click to show

Teaser

-Let me start by saying you've nailed Prue's character right from the beginning.

PRUE (CONT'D)
(hangs up, annoyed)
You have a good day too.

I can so imagine Prue saying that.

- I liked the Prue/Piper scene. Piper being busy with paperwork kinda reminded me of her in "The Painted World", or so I think that was the episode. It was kinda funny where Prue questions the prices and tells her that they are too much for a year, and Piper says that those were monthly prices.
One thing I didn't get in this scene was how can papers damage Prue's ass? Lol. And Prue forgetting about Phoebe is typical.

- It's good to learn that Phoebe began college pre-season. I guess she's the one you somewhat relate to as you too took psychology.

- I loved the classroom atmosphere you created; the immediate noise once class is over, and then the moans when you are reminded of your assignments.

- Ryan seems to be quiet friendly with his students as he encourages Phoebe to be on a first-name basis with him.

- I'd love to see how Phoebe uses her witchly experiences and incorporates them into her paper.

- Again, I need to repeat that you have really captured Prue's character, as well as her rapport with Phoebe.

PRUE (CONT'D)
They're still handing these out?
You know when I was in college we
had the same thing –

PHOEBE
(interrupting)
Oh, great. Another ramble down
memory lane. Can I have that?

- I loved the premonition. I could have sworn I heard the music you heard on Charmed during tense scenes after the premonition.

- And oh, Prue's power isn't working. I see some get-over-Andy's-death in the near future.

[Phoenixlighter]

Alright, I figured I would post all my reviews in your threads. So here we go.

SPOILER: Click to show

-That beginning with Prue was so realistic to the show. It’s a nice way to open the second season as well.
-I’m sorry, but did Prue really just complain about paper hurting her butt, lol?
-That was a kick ass and true to the show teaser. I liked everything from Phoebe discussing her term paper as well as the battle with the being taking Miranda. Though Prue said he was cute and I was really hoping for some Andy acknowledgement.
-Phoebe apologizes for the mess and Ryan notices broken chairs, though there wasn’t anything said about broken chairs before from Phoebe’s vision or from the battle we saw.
-This is minor, but when Prue picked up her phone and said “Next week at nine?” I think you could’ve been a little more specific as to the day of the week, though I understand why it was necessary.
-The demonic description seems like Abraxas though we don’t really know him for physical fighting, only spiritual. Except Abraxas doesn’t really have a forked tongue, so he’s out.
-Is Piper gaining a new power? Curious because of that sensing moment she had.
-The Shak’Ta are really creative and the description is well written.
-Poor Prue getting pizza on her shoe. Lol.
-Im glad you got the Prue and Darryl scene in though it just seemed random with the flow of the episode. At the end of act 2 she’s telekinetically banishing pizza off her shoe and then she’s at the police station. See where Im coming from? I would’ve felt more comfortable had Prue said she had somewhere to be.
-You used “Cheque” instead of “Check”. The latter is the American version.
-Phoebe said they scried though at this point of the season, they didn’t know about scrying until “That Old Black Magic”.
-Aww, Im really liking Dr. Hunter and Ms. Halliwell, lol.
-Ooh, Im liking Madame Executive.
-Good episode, I enjoyed it. Very realistic to the show though I wanted more of an original Prue scene. Maybe her visiting his grave or something.

It's funny how much longer my reviews have gotten for the later episodes.

[Astral Martin]

Though i'm not really a fan of actual script writing, the plot seem really solid and well thought out. I plan to read the first episode and review it. Good luck with the fic. (btw, LOVE PRUE!!!!)

[Harrison]

Alright, in the next three weeks I will have a lot of time to myself and I swear I will get the review done for this chapter within that time and hopefully more. Sorry for the delay.

[Deleted]

I was really looking forward to reading this because I love the plotline...it's the reason why I joined this site. But I'm not much of a script-fic person; the format distracts me from the plot and the characterizations, the two things I consider most important in a fanfic. Is this written as straight prose anywhere?

[Jake]

^I really think you should try script. It's an amazing series, and to tell you the truth this series seems like it should just be written as script. It also gives us a chance to read what episodes in the tv business are written like.

So you should really give it a try, trust me you wont be disappointed by the series!

[Deleted]

Thanks for the recommendation, Jake. I tried reading the first page and I was just too distracted by the format, couldn't get into the drama at all, the way too much description will take away from my enjoyment of a fic, especially when the scene is particularly dramatic.


I truly think that Reyn should try translating her scripts into fics, so she can post them at fanfiction.net. It would give her a lot more readers--there's a reason fanfiction.net won't allow scripts...

I'm going to give it another try again tonight.

[Jake]

^Well even though it is still written in script it still makes it a script. I'm glad you will give it a try. I have only read 4 episodes but I still think very highly of this series. And for Reyn to make it prose would probably take her forever. I like it this way in general. So hopefully once you read it more you'll like it.

And usually prose does have lots of description along with this script format so I think you would like it, I know I do.

[Deleted]

LOL, keep in mind that I *don't* like a lot of description...I think it takes away from the fic. If a fic's plotline is good, it doesn't need extra graphics or format or description or anything like that--it just needs a good plotline with characters who are like the ones in the show.

*shrug* I am beginning to wonder if this isn't the right site for me. We'll see tonight.

[Reyn]

Hi there JustEs!

First off, welcome to the site (and hopefully to the series!). I understand your reservations about the format of the writing (script isn't for everyone) and I see where you are coming from about letting the characters and plotlines speak for themselves.

I admit posting my work at fanfiction.net is something I have wanted to do for a while and it is frustrating that script formatted writing is not allowed there. I will probably convert my scripts into story format somewhere down the track so that I can post my work there and hopefully attract a few more readers.

I do hope, however, that you give the script format a shot - I would certainly appreciate it if you did. I understand that the format and the description between character dialogue is not something you enjoy reading, but I would like to think that the dialogue is expressive enough that you can read just that (and therefore skip the longer inbetween parts) and still be able to enjoy the plot. I have written the 'episodes' so that even should you choose to do that, the plot and character development will still be clearly evident. (A substantial portion of the description between the dialogue is stage directions, which are there to help visualise the scene rather than add to it - the spoken dialogue is where the plot is furthered and characters are developed).

If you decide to persevere and try out that suggestion, I welcome your comments. If you find the format too annoying, I will see what I can do about converting it to story format (although I will say that it won't be straight away, as I want to finish the next two episodes first)

And thank you for your kind words, Jake! I appreciate them very much

I look forward to your comments as well, Harrison and ihollow

[Deleted]

Well, I'll admit I'm disappointed to know that there wouldn't be a lot of action, just a lot of talk, since action is a big part of dramatic fics. But I'll try that tonight...just reading the dialogue and skipping the stage directions.

Thanks for the welcome to the site and the series, tho...first true public welcome I've received here, since I don't count "Oh read this!" as such. And also thanks for understanding my feelings toward scripts..it's why Fanfiction.net won't allow it, because they know it's superfluous.

And thanks for considering rewriting this as prose. If I get too distracted by the script format, I may just wait until you do that. BUT I definitely understand how you would want to wait until after you get your current scripts done. If you don't want to do that until after you're done with the series, I'll definitely understand.

Fair warning! As I said in my profile, I am brutally honest. You'll always know what I think because I say what I mean and mean what I say. I think that is being kinder than being nice when you really don't like something. As such, I may go beyond your guidelines. If I do, feel free to delete out the parts that go beyond the guidelines.

Oh, if Rory didn't tell you why I'm waiting for tonight to read the first episode...Charmed aired on Sundays at 7:00 Central time (it's 2:30 PM right now), so when I find a series I like, I like to read an episode each Sunday at that time, so it's like getting to watch Charmed at that time. And especially something like this...if it's truly as wonderful as I think it's going to be...Oh! I can't wait!

[Jake]

I'm glad you are reconsidering Reyn's series, and I hope you do stick with it. Also drama series don't need action to be dramatic. I'm glad that Reyn has the perfect balance between action and dialog as both compliment each other.

Also welcome to the boards! Lol, but if you go over to the introduction thread you do get a welcome there as well. Now I think I'll stop spamming Reyn's thread! Oh and Reyn, I might re-post my old reviews here as this is the main place for your fic now it only serves you right

[Reyn]

It's always good to see a new face here (or avatar, as the case may be) and even better to hear you will give a series a read and be honest about what you see. I look forward to your comments (both good and bad) and hope the format isn't too distracting.

Whilst I mentioned the majority of the description between dialogues is stage direction, the scripts do include their fair share of action. I have tried to be brief in my descriptions of action scenes - hopefully you don't find them too laborious when you reach them (again, you could probably read the first sentence of the descriptions and still get a general 'feel' for the scene without reading the whole paragraph - though I haven't actually tried that, so I can't be sure!). Regardless, if it is action you like, you'll definitely find it within the scripts.

I have a bit of time on my hands at the moment, so after I am finished writing the next two episodes, I'll see about translating them to a different format. I think if i waited to be finished with this series, I'd be waiting a while - I have another 2 seasons plus three seasons of a spin-off planned and ready to go!

Nice idea about waiting to read the episodes until the usual Charmed airdate - I like it! I haven't heard of that method before - but it is a good one and I'm sure it puts you in the 'Charmed' frame of mind!

Ha! I don't mind the 'spamming' Jake as it is still discussion related to the series and therefore not off topic. And woo! Look forward to seeing your reviews here - I'll be happy to have them all together in one place!

[Terry]

Me three, Tash, I'll post the reviews here ASAP

Now, to the "problem" at hand. Hum. Do we have mixed feelings!

JustEs.

I gotta say, I’ve read “prose” fics that were total s**t from start to end both plot- and characterization-wise.

Now, when I hold something close to my heart and I see things that bother me about said something, I tend to be an angry cat, claws and all. And this, I don’t love; I worship. So I’m asking you not to take this as an attack, as I repeat further down.

Reyn does something with her writing that most prose-writer her age would not be able to even try.

there's a reason fanfiction.net won't allow scripts...

The reason is they are morons. And narrow-minded. And think Prose is God. Half the fics there are crap, though. About “translating” to prose… It would take so much from the story/plot you seem to be so keen to know and read! Look at what happens when they try “novelizing” a movie – the books’ stories, the way they’re told, it just loses so much. There is a reason why Reyn has chosen to write in script and that’s because this story must be best told in this way. Frankly, she does it better than any prose-writer. And she should stick to it if she wants her story and plots to keep their integrity.

If a fic's plotline is good, it doesn't need extra graphics or format or description or anything like that--it just needs a good plotline with characters who are like the ones in the show.
--
I'll admit I'm disappointed to know that there wouldn't be a lot of action, just a lot of talk, since action is a big part of dramatic fics.

Wow. You can’t first complain that there might too much description to read, then say you’re afraid of not enough action. Action needs to be described. One without the other is…impossible. So you have to choose your horse and stick to it.

Besides, Reyn never said there wasn’t action – she only said she hoped that, if you didn’t like description, like you said, you should be able to skip it and read only the dialogues. She was just giving you more reason to read if you supposedly didn’t like action-description. I can tell you, having read all 11 currently released episodes, action doesn’t miss. At all.

I understand your reservations about the format of the writing (script isn't for everyone)

Sorry, and I have nothing against JustEs, but you shouldn’t even understand, Reyn, because it’s no reader’s right to come and tell the writer how they should write. It’s her right to have reservations, that, nobody can deny, but she should first read the whole thing and then decide whether it took anything away or not. Not before reading, with so much prejudices.

As opposed to prose, script allows you to play with your reader. I’m not saying prose can’t tease, but each have their own ways. Here, with those “camera moves” and such, Reyn can decide what she shows you and what she doesn’t, to mislead us, help us, or whatever she wants to make us think. Which I guess is what you call superfluous, now that I think about it. You mustn’t like a lot of fics, then, because a lot of people use flourish description, to give the fic a bit more than: “He wakes, shaves, goes to work, [insert dialogue], goes back home, eats, sleeps.”

Reyn, as it is, also manages to give us a little sense of prose here and there, in which she becomes more insightful of the characters than should be allowed in a script, but she does it so that it actually doesn’t bother and is quite welcome and appreciated.

Don’t take my words as an attack, even though it may seem so, I am just trying to make you read this for what it is and not what you wish it was. I know that there must be writers out there that suck at scripts and that may very well be the reason why you don’t like it, but it’s the same with prose and you still seem to read that anyway.

And of course, Welcome JustEs, and I really hope you will have a fantastic time reading some things and fics around here, namely this one, because it’s truly charmed It's Charmed: without the bloopers!

Oh, and Tash, FIY, I don’t specifically read fics on the day they aired the original on tv lol but I do release the translations on the day Charmed aired in France lmao. OK, off topic

PS: Reyn! Get that 12th ep ready already! Lmao

Edit: My, this must sound like I have a crush or something. But, yeah, this fic has bewitched me, and you should wonder why

[Deleted]

Jun 29, 2008 19:47:54 GMT Reyn said:

It's always good to see a new face here (or avatar, as the case may be) and even better to hear you will give a series a read and be honest about what you see. I look forward to your comments (both good and bad) and hope the format isn't too distracting.

I truly do, too! You'll know quickly enough if I do or don't!

Whilst I mentioned the majority of the description between dialogues is stage direction, the scripts do include their fair share of action. I have tried to be brief in my descriptions of action scenes - hopefully you don't find them too laborious when you reach them (again, you could probably read the first sentence of the descriptions and still get a general 'feel' for the scene without reading the whole paragraph - though I haven't actually tried that, so I can't be sure!). Regardless, if it is action you like, you'll definitely find it within the scripts.

Oh, I'm SOOO happy to hear that! And again, you'll know quickly enough what I think of your action scenes!

I have a bit of time on my hands at the moment, so after I am finished writing the next two episodes, I'll see about translating them to a different format. I think if i waited to be finished with this series, I'd be waiting a while - I have another 2 seasons plus three seasons of a spin-off planned and ready to go!

WOW! You really do have a lot planned, don't you? Now I really hope I'll enjoy it so I'll have something to do during Charmed time for a long time to come!

Nice idea about waiting to read the episodes until the usual Charmed airdate - I like it! I haven't heard of that method before - but it is a good one and I'm sure it puts you in the 'Charmed' frame of mind!

You got it. I can't take credit for coming up with that idea. I started doing it when I was reading a Virtual Series called Charmed: Reality Reset (which is also in script form, but not the same as yours and isn't as distracting, even if doesn't look as much like a real script as yours does). They'd "air" their episode at that time--a different episode *every* Sunday--so that's what got me used to doing it that way.

I stopped reading it during their second season when I just didn't like the direction it was taking and didn't like how they were writing the characters. I still go back on Sundays to read the reviews and their replies to the reviews, just so I have an idea of what's going on, but I 've been looking for something to replace it, and this might just do the trick!

[Jake]

^I also agree with pretty much everything Charmy said.

Ok, so here's my first review, or what was of it. I can't believe I had such a short review. Maybe when I catch up I can give you a fully proper one! I feel so ashamed:

SPOILER: Click to show

2.01 So It Begins
-I loved the teaser, they way you write the characters is amazing on how in character they are.
-Ryan(Professer Hunter) looks like a good match with Prue and I liked how you brought in a new love interest, that's a teacher and isn't annoying! I've seen tv shows that have done that so many times!
-I like how there was a Phoebe/Prue/Ryan small love type triangle throughout the episode.
-The Suits look like scary foes, and Madame Executive looks interesting. If their the season big bad they definatly look like they'll make great villians.
-This was a great episode and I enjoyed reading it. I love how you write the episodes with a twist but they still have that Charmed feel to them. I'll get reading that next episode.

[Deleted]

Here's my review for Episode One: So It Begins.

SPOILER: Click to show

Since I *am* brutally honest, I must also be brutally honest with myself. And as such, I can admit when I am wrong. Once I started reading this, I found it easier to look past the script format and just concentrate on the story and truly did enjoy it. So thank you, Reyn, for talking me into giving it another try.

Once I got past the Teaser (which is the part that I had read before and still don't care for), I truly enjoyed it. I liked that they were saving innocents. I liked that your bad guys were totally different than those on the show, and Madame Executive definitely has my curiosity piqued.

In most cases you did a good job with the characterizations. Prue is typical Big Sister, in charge and impatient. Piper is the sweet but snarky Middle Sister and Phoebe is the Baby who loves magic, loves to snoop and loves giving her big sisters a bad time. After having to put up with Miss Whinealot and Freebie the last three seasons of Charmed, it was *so* nice to have these two back! I'd missed them...a lot.

I also liked that you kept pieces of the actual show in. I preferred the way Prue and Phoebe helped Piper get P3, so it was theirs, too, but I can go with this, and I got a huge kick out of Piper with the banker and the workers.

I liked how Piper was thinking about Leo and how he could've helped them as their handyman.

I loved the addition of Darryl and how it reflected what happened on the show, again keeping the parts you like.

The only thing I wasn't certain was how long it had been since Andy had died. Witch Trial happened shortly afterwards; how long has passed since then, because if it was a couple of months, I can't see them keeping Andy's desk vacant that long. Someone else sitting there would've hurt Prue just as much.

You were definitely right about the directions, Reyn. I was afraid there was going to be a lot of "Stage Right this person", "Stage Left that person" and instead your descriptions of the battles were beautifully done.

Speaking of, you did very well with the descriptions, throwing them in when they were needed, not throwing them in when they weren't.

OK, that's what I liked. Here's what I didn't.

I do wish you had started it off somewhat differently. That's the part that made me leery about the format. There was a lot more stage directions during that first scene than some of the other scenes put together and that's what broke up the fluidity of the scene. Here's how I would've written that first part (without the formatting, since I don't want to take the time to do that.)

TEASER

EXT. MANOR – MORNING.

INT. MANOR – MORNING.

PRUE comes down the stairs talking on her cellphone.

PRUE
Yes, Rachel, I'm quite aware of the
special circumstances of this
collection. But with all the extra
work I've been given these past few
days I...No I'm not complaining it's just…
Yes, I can handle it but…Hello? Hello?

PRUE shuts off the phone, glaring at it.

PRUE
(annoyed)
You have a good day too.

Rather than saying what the other person does, when we don't even see the other person, by just using the ... it shows the same thing without interrupting the flow of the dialogue.

I also didn't particularly care for the scene between Piper and Prue. Those two are very close (more best friends than sisters) and in that scene, it seemed more like a dialogue that would happen between Prue and Phoebe instead of a dialogue between Piper and Prue. I can't see Piper saying, "Don't hurry back on my account." That is *so* unPiper with Prue, and that whole scene just didn't feel right to me. There was no drama, no suspense, no real intrigue in that Teaser. Had I been watching it, rather than being eager to watch the show, I would've changed the channel.

I would've preferred if you had started with a scene of Prue at the graveyard as she continues to mourn Andy (to give it continuity with the S1 finale), then perhaps to the Manor with Piper coming down the steps on the phone talking to either the banker or the workers with similar results as Prue had, and then talking with Phoebe, and finally seeing a scene of the Shak'ta attacking one of their earlier victims, going to the Opening Credits from there.

I'll come out right now and say I don't like the whole bit of Ryan and Prue. Especially not when Prue's still mourning Andy. It was one of the parts I loved best about S2, the fact that halfway through the season she was still mourning him. She had fun with Jack, the perfect rebound guy, but her heart still belonged to Andy. It showed how strong their love was, so very different than all of the other loves later on when the sisters would go right after another guy in the very next episode, showing just how shallow their feelings for that guy had been.

Ryan interested in Prue, sure, I can take that because Prue is a beautiful woman. But Prue no longer numb, and able to feel that chemistry this soon? No. That's just not her. She should have turned him down flat, either maybe have her explain why or have Phoebe later explain why (I can see Phoebe trying to push them together and Prue having nothing of it and Piper having to break them up), but if they become a couple before the end of this season, I won't be happy.

Also, despite his attraction to Prue, I couldn't understand why Ryan told them everything he knew about the Dean right off the bat. This didn't feel right. I would think he would want to know why exactly they wanted to know those answers before he told them, and perhaps Prue would've said something about her boyfriend was an inspector and they still haven't found his murderer. It would've given Ryan a reason to tell them and also a reason for him to BACK OFF and just be a friend, at least for a while.

I told you about that other Virtual Series I was reading. There's no doubt that I'm enjoying this one more. Although I would still prefer it in prose and still think you should seriously consider doing that, I am definitely looking forward to next week's installment.

[Reyn]

12th episode is coming, Charmy! Should have it done very soon. I'm hoping to release episodes 12 and 13 within a week or two of one another, because of the events in 2.13 And ha! You release your translations on the air date, eh? I am learning a lot today! I almost feel left out that I don't have a charmed air date ritual!

Jake, thanks for the review! It is funny how your reviews have increased in size as the episodes have progressed - I have done the same thing with Adam's stories! Much better that way around (smaller to larger) than the flip side!

JustEs - thanks for taking the time to give the script a second go. I'm very happy you did, and I'm extremely glad you liked it! I was a little worried that after the 'please give this a try' discussion, you were going to read it and be let down, but I'm happy to hear that you found the episode an enjoyable one.

Some comments on your review:

SPOILER: Click to show

The teaser is one of the scenes I was also not completely happy with - and since releasing the episode, I have revisited it and changed it slightly. I will be posting the 'new' version of the episode as soon as I finish writing the current episode, so if you are interested in seeing the changes, it should be viewable soon.

Happy to hear you liked the characterisations - I've tried to keep the 'tone' of charmed in the writing, but add a few of my own quirks to make it different to that of the show. The sisters as they were in the first season are the sisters I want to bring back, so there shouldn't be any Freebie or Miss Whinealot for the rest of the seasons I write (I disliked those character 'advancements' as well - to me the writers did a complete backflip on Phoebe's character, and Piper's for that matter - and that's something I didn't want to do).

I'm also glad to hear the descriptions were well done (sometimes I wonder if I put a little too much description in, but I do try to limit the descriptions, if only to keep the scripts under their required 55-60 pages).

Regarding some of the things you didn't like:

Fair call on the teaser scene - it probably is the weakest part of the script. I'll take your comments about the stage direction into account in any rewrites I do of it. I agree that Prue's dialogue does not flow as well with all the interruptions of the other person on the phone.

The Ryan and Prue 'thing'! lol - I won't say much about this, because a lot of your feelings on the Prue/Andy matter are addressed in the next episode. Episode 2.02 deals almost exclusively about Prue's feelings concerning Andy's death and her struggle to resolve her issues. I took a whole episode to explore that, rather than the cursory exploration the writers delved into in the 'real' Charmed (which I always felt was a little too off the cuff). Hopefullly by the end of that episode, your misgivings with the Prue/Andy situation will be addressed.

The timeframe of the episode from the first season finale to now is around 6 months - and there is a particular reason Andy's position hadn't been filled (but more on that as the season progresses).

Also - with Ryan's seemingly quick acceptance of the situation and the sisters and his discussion with them about the Dean - that is also intentional. There are a lot of 'hidden' mysteries within the season that have a lot of impact on the various subplots contained in the season. Each mystery has it's own clues and red herrings associated with it in the form of dialogue or events within the episodes - the trick is finding the 'correct' clues over the 'fake' ones and working out what they have to do with the mysteries of the season. Ryan being too easy to accept the predicament he is in is one of those clues, but whether it is a correct one or a fake herring I leave up to you to decide.

I am very happy to hear you enjoyed the first episode, and that you enjoy the series more than the other you have read in a similar format. I have heard of Reset Reality, and I have even visited its forums. I lurked there for a while, trying to get a feel about the series, but after two seasons of material I found myself rather confused. Regardless - it is good to hear that you enjoyed the first episode - and I look forward to reading your comments on the next episode, considering its subject matter

I'm hoping to get the chance to add some more bonus material to the forums here (deleted scenes and what not) within a week or two. Feel free to check them out during the interim.

[Deleted]

Jun 30, 2008 5:59:52 GMT Reyn said:

JustEs - thanks for taking the time to give the script a second go. I'm very happy you did, and I'm extremely glad you liked it! I was a little worried that after the 'please give this a try' discussion, you were going to read it and be let down, but I'm happy to hear that you found the episode an enjoyable one.

That it most definitely was!

Some comments on your review:

I've put in my own comments to your comments in italics.

SPOILER: Click to show

The teaser is one of the scenes I was also not completely happy with - and since releasing the episode, I have revisited it and changed it slightly. I will be posting the 'new' version of the episode as soon as I finish writing the current episode, so if you are interested in seeing the changes, it should be viewable soon.

Oh, I most definitely am!

Happy to hear you liked the characterisations - I've tried to keep the 'tone' of charmed in the writing, but add a few of my own quirks to make it different to that of the show. The sisters as they were in the first season are the sisters I want to bring back, so there shouldn't be any Freebie or Miss Whinealot for the rest of the seasons I write (I disliked those character 'advancements' as well - to me the writers did a complete backflip on Phoebe's character, and Piper's for that matter - and that's something I didn't want to do).

YAY!! VERY happy to hear that!

I'm also glad to hear the descriptions were well done (sometimes I wonder if I put a little too much description in, but I do try to limit the descriptions, if only to keep the scripts under their required 55-60 pages).

Ah, so you follow that, huh? The other Virtual Series doesn't, so it made me smile that you're trying to make yours even more realistic that way.

Regarding some of the things you didn't like:

Fair call on the teaser scene - it probably is the weakest part of the script. I'll take your comments about the stage direction into account in any rewrites I do of it. I agree that Prue's dialogue does not flow as well with all the interruptions of the other person on the phone.

YAY! Nothing I love more than a writer who is willing to take constructive criticism in the vein in which I mean it.

The Ryan and Prue 'thing'! lol - I won't say much about this, because a lot of your feelings on the Prue/Andy matter are addressed in the next episode. Episode 2.02 deals almost exclusively about Prue's feelings concerning Andy's death and her struggle to resolve her issues. I took a whole episode to explore that, rather than the cursory exploration the writers delved into in the 'real' Charmed (which I always felt was a little too off the cuff). Hopefullly by the end of that episode, your misgivings with the Prue/Andy situation will be addressed.

That makes me more eager to read that next episode (and angry at ST for not letting me in the last hour or so! !@#$#@! ) although I still wish this one had ended differently--maybe I'll change my mind after I read that next episode...I'll let you know.

The timeframe of the episode from the first season finale to now is around 6 months - and there is a particular reason Andy's position hadn't been filled (but more on that as the season progresses).

OOO! Do you have my curiosity up now! Good job!!

Also - with Ryan's seemingly quick acceptance of the situation and the sisters and his discussion with them about the Dean - that is also intentional. There are a lot of 'hidden' mysteries within the season that have a lot of impact on the various subplots contained in the season. Each mystery has it's own clues and red herrings associated with it in the form of dialogue or events within the episodes - the trick is finding the 'correct' clues over the 'fake' ones and working out what they have to do with the mysteries of the season. Ryan being too easy to accept the predicament he is in is one of those clues, but whether it is a correct one or a fake herring I leave up to you to decide.

hehehehe! Oh, I love that whole idea; I ADORE it! That's what makes a mystery truly a mystery and I love knowing that this is indeed a mystery!

I am very happy to hear you enjoyed the first episode, and that you enjoy the series more than the other you have read in a similar format. I have heard of Reset Reality, and I have even visited its forums. I lurked there for a while, trying to get a feel about the series, but after two seasons of material I found myself rather confused. Regardless - it is good to hear that you enjoyed the first episode - and I look forward to reading your comments on the next episode, considering its subject matter

That makes two of us! At C:RR, I was particularly unhappy with the way they wrote Prue...they made me hate my favorite sister and wish that she had died! Up to this point, I love all three of the sisters in your series and hope I can say the same when the season is done!

This next one will probably decide if that's the case or not. So I'm off to find out.

I'm hoping to get the chance to add some more bonus material to the forums here (deleted scenes and what not) within a week or two. Feel free to check them out during the interim.

COOL! Can't wait to find them...I just hope they don't spoil me for anything I haven't read yet.

Now I'm off to "watch" Episode 2...